I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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