Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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