Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
