sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
