i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
