How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
