I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
