SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
