he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
