Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
