Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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