the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
