there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
