so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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