True but thats because hes a fetus.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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