Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
