I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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