You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
