Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
