sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
