the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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