Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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