no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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