READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
