So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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