Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
