Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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