yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
