what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
