oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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