She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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