return my video game
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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