You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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