How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
