[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
