I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I AM VODKA MAN
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
