your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
