ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
