I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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