I am puke
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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