What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
