he puts the penis in happiness.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
