but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
