Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so much tequila, so little girl.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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