Christians are straight up FREAKS
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
