I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
