is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
