hotel room ftw
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
