dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
