Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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