How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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